I am obsessed with Instagram. I might even be addicted. The minute I get up in the morning, I don’t brush my teeth or wash my face, I turn on my phone to check Instagram, I check it about ten times a day. Fashion, food, workout inspirations I get it all. I even hashtag search restaurants to see what sort of pictures are up before deciding to go there. Facebook has been relegated to the background and Instagram has all my attention. Pictures truly speak a thousand words.
Sometimes I get so anxious I almost can’t breathe, my throat constricts, my chest aches and I have to fight to suppress the sobs that are trying to get out. I know I should breathe through it and try not to worry. But, it’s so hard. I feel like I have lived with this feeling of anxiety my whole life, it lies within me waiting for an opportunity to well up. Family, fights, unknown situations and sometimes even going out of the house alone cause anxiety in me. I worry about my parents and if they will ever be content and whole, I worry about my siblings and their future, I worry when I have to take a flight, I worry about being hit by a car when we are on the road, I worry about being left all alone, I worry that no one will ever understand what goes on in my head and will dismiss me as being silly and of overthinking things. So, I have decided that when I am anxious I will try not to show it. I will breathe, I will keep it in me, I will talk myself out of the feeling. As much as I want to control everything and everyone around me I cannot. I cannot protect my family from slights and suffering , I cannot make anything better by being anxious and staying up all night worrying. People make their own decisions and are in charge of their own lives. I can only take care of myself and so I have to do that.
I was woken up at 5 in the morning by the sound of blaring trumpets and beating drums. I shot out of bed only to remember that the temple across the road, from the building where I live, has just been completed. I proceeded to try to sleep with a pillow over my head to block out the noise. And then it struck me that today was Thursday, the day the Sai Baba temple next door starts their Bhajans at 6 in the morning. There went any chance of going back to sleep.
I love a visit to a temple, the architecture, the rituals and traditions, the chanting– I even know a few slokas and I do pray. But, I draw the line at being woken at the crack of dawn and being subjected to Bhajans being blared over the loudspeaker the WHOLE day. Now to add to it, there are two loudspeakers, from two different temples playing different Bhajans at the same time– it does not make for pleasant listening.
With two temples on my street, I know I can expect a lot of road blocks and crowds with both playing host to various special Pujas and festive celebrations. Not to mention more mornings of being woken up at the crack of dawn. It is going to be a bloody nuisance, but of course one cannot make a big deal, what with hurting religious sentiments and all. Honestly, this isn’t even about religion, it is about being a disturbance to the entire neighbourhood. This is on par with a nightclub playing loud music opening up in a residential neighbourhood, that would have everybody up in arms, but a temple playing LOUD bhajans is something we should all be blessed to have in our lives.I almost wish the power would go off, as hot as it is here, because then at least the loudspeakers wouldn’t work giving some respite. Oh wait, now I hear construction work being done, which just adds a special something to the racket. Excuse me now, while I put on headphones to drown out the cacophony.
One of the joys of not having a regular 9-5 office job is that I hardly ever suffer from Monday morning blues. Since it is getting warmer in Hyderabad, this morning I made full use of the cool morning breeze and lazed in bed till about 8. I then spent the rest of the morning pottering about, dusting and putting a load in the washing machine. After the help came and left, leaving behind a swept and mopped home with the lingering scent of lizol ( I love that smell), I ate a jam and butter filled sandwich. Now I lie on the sofa, cushions comfortable arranged, a cup of tea, the curtains drawn to keep out the heat, and a kindle filled with books. As I decide on a novel to keep me company for the rest of the day, I give thanks that I have the luxury of spending my Monday in this way.
1. Getting my hands on a book I have been meaning to read
2. Sleeping on a bed made with freshly laundered sheets
3. A cold beer on a warm evening
4. Eating a red velvet cupcake
5. Receiving surprise gifts
6. Snuggling in bed with my significant other
7. South Indian breakfast and filter coffee
8. Listening to music like this
9. A plate of Biryani and potato chips on a Sunday afternoon
10. Sweet smelling bath and beauty products
11. A successful shopping trip
12. Having someone else cook for me and better yet doing the dishes after
13. A gossip session with my best friends
14. Being inspired
15. Marathon watching a fun tv show
16. Lying on the beach in Goa
17. Having enough money in my bank account
18. A post- workout high
19. Being lucky enough to experience the things that make me happy
20. Having a healthy and content family (knock wood!)