Anxiety

Sometimes I get so anxious I almost can’t breathe, my throat constricts, my chest aches and I have to fight to suppress the sobs that are trying to get out. I know I should breathe through it and try not to worry. But, it’s so hard. I feel like I have lived with this feeling of anxiety my whole life, it lies within me waiting for an opportunity to well up. Family, fights, unknown situations and sometimes even going out of the house alone cause anxiety in me. I worry about my parents and if they will ever be content and whole, I worry about my siblings and their future, I worry when I have to take a flight, I worry about being hit by a car when we are on the road, I worry about being left all alone, I worry that no one will ever understand what goes on in my head and will dismiss me as being silly and of overthinking things. So, I have decided that when I am anxious I will try not to show it. I will breathe, I will keep it in me, I will talk myself out of the feeling. As much as I want to control everything and everyone around me I cannot. I cannot protect my family from slights and suffering , I cannot make anything better by being anxious and staying up all night worrying. People make their own decisions and are in charge of their own lives. I can only take care of myself and so I have to do that.

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